I am a hopeless romantic. My heart skips a beat at the sight of love. One of the biggest desires in my heart is to be loved by someone and to love someone. I dream of the day that I get to walk down the aisle and join together with the one who will love me as Christ has loved the church. Simply put, I want to be madly in love. While it comes across as sweet and romantic, this can so easily become a distraction and can lead me down a very dark path. This hope to find love can weave its way into the inner parts of my heart and place itself above all, becoming an idol in life.
Since middle school I have worn a “purity” ring on my ring finger. At one time it was a silver band that read “faith” until my mom bought me a new one for my birthday that resembles somewhat of a verrrrrry small wedding ring, but with my birthstone. For the longest time I wore the ring with no thought except that it seemed as something a “cool” christian should do. As I have gotten older I have began to question deeper as to what the meaning of a purity ring is and what it means in my life, personally. What does the little band around my fourth finger truly symbolize? What kind of relationship does it hold between my life and the Lord’s? Ive heard several general answers of “saving sex till marriage,” but I wanted more than that.
Over the past couple of months I have looked down at my ring and tried to to devise exactly what it meant for me in my life and with my relationship with Jesus. I have had my fair share of heartbreaks, and quite frankly I am worn down and tired or putting my heart on the line. As I have faced difficult days in the search for Mr. Right, I’ve come to realize that the small garnet stone means much more than saving my purity for the one that I will one day become one with.
Ive read several blogs recently that alluded to the truth of finding full satisfaction in the Lord, which has been on my heart pretty often in the past year. What does it mean to be fully satisfied in the Lord? What does it look like in life lived out? How do you reach that point where you truly see all else as a loss in comparison to knowing Christ? Its much easier said than done. We are satisfied with the Lord “plus this” or “plus that.” I am the one most guilty of this, especially when it comes to finding love. Bare with me in a moment of vulnerability- I want Jesus, but I struggle to want to be loved sometimes a little more. Not to mean that I do not seek the Lord, but sometimes it seems as if I’m seeking to fill that place in my heart a little more. Its not easy to admit. The Christian answer should be that I would be fine with husband or no husband- as long as I have Jesus. But my heart selfishly desires to be filled with more than just Jesus.
I do not believe for one second that there is any wrong in the hopes to one day get married, but I want that to come second to finding more of Jesus. As I look at my purity ring and as this struggle of my heart wages war, I hear the Lord whispering to my soul “come and find love in me.” I recently read an article by a girl that took a year off of dating in hopes to fall more in love with Jesus and then magically find her one true love at the end of her year commitment. As the year came to a close, she found that she wasn’t rushing to jump back into the dating world because she had found all that she needed in Jesus. She writes,
“Don’t be afraid to date God for a little while. He is a HUGE romantic too. I mean the sunsets and sunrises He gave me just swept me off my feet. Taking that year off from dating was the best decision I have ever made because it showed me that when we put Jesus first, He will surprise you in ways you never thought possible. He will not only prepare you for your spouse but He will make you fall in love with Him all over again.”
Choosing Freedom
What an awesome testimony she has. The Lord brought her from a broken place to a place of true satisfaction in the one that loved her soul so much more than any man ever could.
So what does my purity ring mean? Im learning that it doesn’t just symbolize a promise from me to God, but a promise from Him to me. Just as a daddy cherishes the heart of his little girl, so does my abba father (daddy) cherish me- yet, so much more. He sees these heartbreaks, these questions, and these desires that are hidden in my heart. He cares for them. He wants to show me the love of Him first, because He knows how fulfilling it is and He wants the best for me. He knows that I must first find all that I am in Him before I can fully love a man. He promises to be all that I need. He promises to be faithful. He promises to lead me in the paths of His purposes, that are perfect. As I look down at my ring finger tonight, I find rest knowing that my God is preparing me for whats to come as He romances me and takes me deeper in love with Himself.
One day I hope to trade in my purity ring for a wedding band, but until that day I will promise myself to Jesus as He promises Himself to me and pursues my soul daily.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for being all that I need.
Love, Em
Remember + Rejoice 